To be the best I can be

Pictured above: Alice, Amy & Leanne

This past weekend I had the opportunity to go out with a few friends. One couple consisted of my best friend Alice and her husband Chris that live in New Orleans. The other couple was Leanne and Chad. Leanne and I used to be best friends from junior high school until it fell apart our first year of college. It was really good to see her and her man, he seems to take really good care of her and I’m thankful for that. Alice & I have been friends since high school and got closer and closer in college and beyond.

On Sunday I found myself flooded with a million different feelings about the situation. I am one that never likes to lose friends. I know that some people come and go in our life - but i have always thought that when you are that close with someone that the friendship never really dies. I am sure that comes with being an adult but I also think it comes from me geninuinly caring about someone. There are girls I have gone to school with since kindergarten and they have turned more in to acquaintences. Sometimes that bums me out but it doesn’t pull at my heart strings like the loss of a friendship/friend that I spent a lot of quality time with does - someone that I "grew up with."

I have had a few friendships that have come full circle, that I lost touch with and I now spend time with, its not as close as I would probably like for it to be - but I am sure I am just as much to blame in those instances.

There were a lot of questions that flooded my head after all of my emotions of hurt and frustration mixed with excitement and true joy for this "new friendship" - for me that is what this is going to have to become in a sense - a new friendship. There is A LOT of history there but our lives are completely different, in a way, both of us have experience different turns in our lives, but I know the roots of our personalities are the same. I really just want to know what happened. Was it me? Am I the one at fault here? For some reason I can not find the courage to ask those questions yet - it still hurts. (Which is frustrating in its self, because I sometimes think I am stronger than that- HA! who am I kidding?)

I can remember when the day I was told I had cancer and how bad I just wanted a close girl friend there beside me - to hug me, cry with me, and laugh with me. I may not have talked about that much or I may have put on my strong face - but man, was I dying inside! Thinking... "Really? Cancer? I’m only 24! I have so much more ahead of me!" ... to name a few.
I do know now though that if anyone I consider a close girlfriend goes through anything life-threatening I will do everything in my power to be there and to be the comforter and friend that I needed.

This weekend taught me a lot, but most of all it reiterated what I have always tried to be... I want to be the best friend I can possible be... I want to be the best person I can possibly be... I want to be the best wife I can possibly be... I want to be the best mother, sister, aunt or cousin I can possibly be.

Pictured Left: Stephen, Amy, Chad, Leanne, Alice & Chris

Leanne - if you read this - I always wanted what was best for you - ALWAYS! Meeting Chad has put a great sense of peace in my heart and it seems that right now, you do have what is best for you! I am so happy for you!

Here is to all types of friendships - old, new or revitalizing.