I wish she would live forever...

Most of you know, I have a very special quiet angel in my life -

my 12 yr. old golden retriever, Belle.

I have had her since I was 15. I am just know able to post this b/c I have run out of tears and have started the process of acceptance, but it is going to take me while to get through this post.

We found out last September that she had skin cancer after two tumors were removed off of her right leg. Everything seemed great, nothing seemed to "loom" over us.

Right after New Years, what I thought was two more tumors had popped up on her right leg again. I took her in to get them removed and there were SEVEN, not two. The type of skin cancer she has is very aggressive. We had just been dealing with Grade 2, well, one the size of a BB came back a Grade 3, which puts us in a whole other playing field. Chemo is not very effective towards this cancer, so we have decided not to pursue that option.

To me, her quality of life is much more important at this stage than the quantity!

She still greets us at the door everyday when we come home - tail wagging and ready to play frisbee to the best of her ability. If she wants a whole piece of bread instead of a half piece, yes, i admit it, she gets it.

The vet said we have 6-9 months.

I know the time will come, but I will NEVER be ready.

• Every time I have been sick, Belle would not leave the front yard, even if she did want to go on a walk so bad she couldn't stand it. She had a job a to do.
• One of her nicknames is "Thumper" b/c when you come up to her and she is lying on her side she thumps her tail on the ground so loudly and has the biggest grin on her face that says "Rub my belly, Rub my belly"
• Another nickname is "Boo Boo" b/c my brother used to call her that to make fun of her b/c she is such a chicken when it storms
• She is my protector and my gentle giant. All she wants to do is know your not going to hurt me, then she licks you to death.

I soak up every minute I can with her right now b/c I know I will never have a dog just like her. It is heart wrenching to think that what seems like a little thing in your life will leave an impact the size of a crater on your heart.

So this post is dedicated to my quiet angel.